![]() And third, quite often it will help the other person better understand their own points, or even see issues with their thinking that may lead them to reassess something. Second, it will prove to the other person you were indeed able to listen effectively as you hit their key points. First, it ensures you did indeed understand and it gives the opportunity for clarification if needed. First, you need to do your best to quickly summarize the main points the other person just made and to ask if you understood correctly. Think of it as asking for clarification as to what they are already saying, and not ever as asking a leading question, especially one that will lead to your own talking.Įven when the other party is done talking, your job as an active listener is not quite wrapped up and your turn to share your own thoughts has not quite arrived. Yes, that’s right, there is a time where interrupting is actually part of good active listening skills, and that’s when you genuinely don’t understand the point the person is trying to make and feel that missing the other person’s point will mean you lose a major part of their message. If you did, you can own that and ask for a briefing of the last few seconds, and don’t be afraid to use those facial expressions! And even if your mind has not yet wandered, consciously reminding yourself that what you are doing is an active process can help prevent mental drift. Instead, start to pay close attention again and see if you lost the thread of the chat. ![]() If you find that your mind has wandered, don’t get hung up on the drift. It’s no different than your thoughts wandering when you read, write, watch a movie, meditate, and on it goes. Unless the person to whom you are listening is one of the most interesting people on earth (and even in that case) it’s entirely natural for the mind to wander as another person speaks. Just as someone can tell when an active listener is tuned in, so too can they tell when the other person is merely waiting to get their turn to talk, interruptions or not. Even if you don’t interrupt once, you make eye contact, you nod and smile or shake your head and frown as body language makes sense given the tenor of the talk, if you are simply waiting for the other person to be done talking so that you can speak, you are not being an active listener and you are not being polite. If you are actually paying close attention, the other party will be able to tell, no butting-in required.Īnd perhaps the cardinal sin of poor active listening is the act of waiting to talk. Far too many people make the social mistake of thinking asking questions shows that they are paying attention and interested, whereas in fact these interruptions may only serve to irritate and befuddle your partner in the chat.įrequent interruptions, even if well intentioned, demonstrate social communication skills that need improving, not those that are well polished. This, of course, is the opposite of good active listening.Īctive listening also does not mean asking lots of questions, especially when those questions are asked during an interruption.
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